He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
