i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
