Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
