There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I think your dad took our porno
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
