I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
