my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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