Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize