Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
