Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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