Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
