Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
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I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
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i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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