apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize