Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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