I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
