wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
