he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
