thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
