The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
do herpes really smell.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
