I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
