If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Church boner. Awkwardddd
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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