Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize