Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
