thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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