Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?