Don't you send me to vm
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far