Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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