Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
