I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
