ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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