I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
