Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
