I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
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