Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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