My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize