There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
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Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
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It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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