Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize