mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
You're like the curious george of whores
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
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