Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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