can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
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just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
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I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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