I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
