I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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