Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
