why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
And the cops told us we were all naked.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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