We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
