You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
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