You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
