Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
