Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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