I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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