Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
