Since when is my name a synonym for head?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
