Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
