i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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