I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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