does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
