as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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