just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I supernannyed him into submission
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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