he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Randomize
