I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
