I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
dude. I can hear the air.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
