morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
