I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
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hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
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Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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