I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
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