she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
